I remember clearly the day God called me to move to Dillon. He'd been speaking into Rob's life before me and I was filled with angst. It was a day similar to today. Through the warmth and quiet of that early afternoon, it was revealed we weren't being called to a physical place, rather into a time of healing. At this point, I believed the pain would be gone and spawning a fresh painless start. I was wrong!
The aspect of "being healed" sounds so nice! We forget the pain and timely nature of the healing process easily. Imagine a traumatic, life altering injury as a parallel to this spiritual healing concept. When a life altering injury happens, people report that the adrenaline can be so high that the pain doesn't register in the brain until much later. As a wound begins to heal and the cognitive processing occurs, the pain and heartache weighs fully on the human system. Psychological healing takes time as we have to learn how to manage this wound differently. Once the physical healing reaches a certain point, rehabilitation is prescribed for the patient to grow, stretch, strengthen and potentially relearn new movement. I hope my medical professional readers are giggling at my lack of healthcare protocol here!!
Our year of healing turned into a year of hard lessons. First there was the pruning of old dead habits that no longer served a healthy system. Folks, pruning is painful!! We were humbled frequently as we shed pride, and old party habits. We let go of alcohol, expensive vehicles, vacations, serving in small groups, status, and dinner parties. Secondly, there was the psychological understanding that our lives would never go back to what they were. This was scary because we had to adjudicate whether our marriage would last through the changes we had grown through. We had to grapple with if our families would continue to support our new lifestyles; would we still have life-long friendships that were forged under our old lifestyles. We cried, whined, and groaned as we watched our hearts be stitched back together from the decade of trauma (primary and secondary) we've survived.
Physical healing sometimes looks better on the outside before it's 100% healthy on the inside. Spiritually, as a family we are relying on God and our faith through struggles more than we ever have. Yet, we are weary and curious when the next "bad thing" will happen. However, just like a physical trainer knows the "right" time to put their athlete to a test, we were presented with a trial that threw us for a circus loop!
The baggage of Rob's first marriage followed us and threatened my safety and our security as a partnership. And just like if I were in physical therapy, I got frustrated, wanted to give up, wanted to run away...I immediately employed some of my unhealthy coping mechanisms (anger, withdrawal, sarcasm), but then God asked me to wake up. This trial is present for us to strengthen our faith. How weak a person of faith I would be if I didn't get rehabilitation to fully strengthen my spiritual muscles?! I look around and I have a support system to see us through this trial. We are still strengthening and we are not broken. Although, I may still get a little salty!
I am filled with gratitude that I finally have a little perspective on this year of healing and growth. I encourage anyone who is going through heartache to ask Jesus for a time of healing; however, prepare yourself for the ride. It won't be easy, but you will be able to appreciate the individual who looks back at you in the mirror with grace and compassion.
Yorumlar