I walk into a memory, faces abound. A social gathering. The air is thick, people frowning, some talking, some smiling. I see the colors, recognize the young and aging. I tell myself I will never forget this moment as I strive to take in every detail, feeling, and conversation. However, whenever I step into this memory with another person who was living this experience with me, they always bring up something I didn't see. I question how two people can be standing side by side, with the same stimuli being input on their system and come away with two very different memories.
Perspective provides the unique experience that we all have to the same stimuli. Ever walk into a room freezing, while someone else if quite warm? Or, walk into a cafeteria/food court and the noise is overwhelmingly loud while others don't seem bothered? Our perspectives are our thoughts, perceptions, and feelings all elicited by the data received in our sensory system. We also bring in our past experiences to tell us if our current perspective is accurate, if we are safe, and how we should respond in a socially appropriate manner. Yikes, all of this is happening every few seconds! And then, whatever our brain determines significant gets stored into our long term memory and the extraneous is forgotten.
Perspective gives art power. My friend and I used to lay under a specific piece of art for 4 years of college. We'd laugh, cry, dream about our futures under the image of a woman walking in a forest. For our graduation, her husband bought that piece of art and it hangs proudly in her home. That image is ingrained in my memory, but most importantly the trusted perspective of a strong friend that shaped so much of my identity.
Perspective can change over time. Our life experiences lead us toward different view points. We can usher this process along by inputting new ideas through books and following influential people of our choice. However, the things we value rarely change. One book that helped me expand my political perspective was The Righteous Mind: Why Good People are Divided on Politics and Religion- Jonathan Haidt.
Some people in life steal our memories or minimize our perspectives. Gaslighting becomes common practice for those whose insecurities and fears get in the way of seeing other peoples’ perspectives as valid or even true. I've been told what I saw didn't really happen: "no, she wasn't touching me that way". I've been told that my feelings about an event isn't how I should be feeling: "you weren't actually in danger and had no reason to feel scared". But then gaslighting grows power by guilting a person for what they saw or felt. "How dare you say she was touching me like that. Don't you trust me?" "You saying you were in danger is traumatic to me, how dare you say such things."
And so we diminish our thoughts, feelings and shape shift ourselves into a small box; ironically called the MIDDLE. Trying to keep peace, never rocking the boat; playing by a set of rules that gaslighters and manipulators don't play by.
May we always have the courage to speak our truth; however our words must work toward healing, reconciliation, and community. Speaking truths just for the shock and awe factor is irresponsible and causes undue strife. Cheers to honoring our individual perspectives, and memories.
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