Resolution

The thief comes only to steal, slaughter, and destroy. I’ve come that they may have life, and have it abundantly. -Jesus (John 10;10)

In the presence of death and decay, our senses were alive. The heat of the oncoming day rose from the ground as the sun rays stretched into the cemetery. The crisp blue flowers a striking contrast to the cold stone they rested upon. A stillness, bugs gently chirping with no words coming from either of us (a rare fete if you know either Conley or I). We open our eyes and see his name permanently memorialized in the granite. It's August 13th, one year since T's passing.

It's difficult to describe the moment that ensued. All I can say is we were not alone. A presence surrounded us, a tenderness and a message of peace. There are rare moments that I can pinpoint being in the presence of something other-earthly. I have felt evil and tried to escape it. I have felt the safety of being present with a pure soul. I've been humbled by the presence of the Holy Spirit. It's like the moment when we sit with a friend and no words need to be exchanged, just the togetherness affirms our existence. The air a little thicker, an added energy presides. I do not have the credentials to explain why or how this happens, I just recognize the impact it has and move forward. Mostly, we are not alone in this journey.

As we offered a gift of candy, one of Conley and his Dad's favorite things to do together...eat a candy bar, we reflected on the year. Tears flowed as a common thread came from Conley, "I miss him". It's finally come to an end and we are able to accept our new normal. Just two weeks before this moment, the legal case had finished. Conley was granted items of importance to T's memory and life: a saddle, family brands, and wood working tools. We had driven out to the ranch to pick up these tools and able to again say more good-byes. It's an odd version of gratitude for Conley to have these items, yet not want them because T should still be alive and using them. Through it all, we are grateful for what he does have.

Conley, Rob and I used T's tools to build a table of our house, something he liked to do. It felt good to be able to use them and create something beautiful from something broken.

We have geared up for the changes ahead and know we can handle them with grace. Our ultimate goal is to be courageous enough to be present with those we care deeply about. To experience this life in community is our truest gift of abundance.

I think so often in life, we don't spend time in the resolution of stories and reflect. We get so caught up in the excitement of the build, the joy of puzzle pieces coming together, but then we jump into another event and forget to revel in the peace of resolution. Where we've come from, what we've endured, all the positive messages of encouragement developed us into people we would not completely recognize a year ago. And so, with hearts filled with gratitude, this is the end: pursuing life abundantly.

"You have shown me the way of life, and you will fill me with the joy of your presence." Acts 2:28