I've been in the cold of winter, alone, misunderstood...immobile. Courage waning as I woke every day to face the bitterness of the frost bite. Wanting an escape, I shrank myself to the most basic of necessities: nourishment and shelter. Just hold on a little longer and things might change. Absent were the connections I desperately longed for, the beauty of life giving conditions; creativity was lost.
Sometimes we enter a role or relationship as a place holder. There's a grace period as people settle in to their new role, but usually in short fashion we realize the other side of the relationship just wanted a person; but they didn't want MY person. Oh the heartache that ensues when trying to stay in a placeholder position too long. In my first marriage, I clearly remember the night I came to the realization I was a placeholder wife and not the wife Tyler truly deserved. The unfortunate timing of this epiphany came 6 months after the "I do's". I stayed for 5 more years, having a child, praying God would fix my heart to love this man. I was appreciated when I fulfilled the role the way he wanted it done, but not when I put in my own creative flare! (I've worked through a lot of guilt and shame with my divorce. This description is in no way a summary for why my marriage didn't last, just a comment about how schism begins in a relationship.)
Burnout from a workplace can feel much the same way. I coached my teacher groups that we enter a role with a set of expectations and we look for a reality to match these expectations. When the reality of our work environment does not match, we have two choices: change our expectations or fix/find a new reality. However, I caution in changing expectations if that would result in compromising ethics or sound professional values. It's important to accept responsibility for our actions in this state.
We see the effects of burnout when our humanity is challenged. Thus the frost of winter creeps in putting a hold on all things warm and beautiful. Empathy is harder to access. Beauty is less appreciated or absorbed around us and the energies it takes to create, innovate, and produce life giving art are directed toward mundane tasks.
It's in our creativity that people draw near and see the Holy Spirit work through us. Keep singing, dancing, producing, and writing. When our human creativity is lost, our soul cannot survive. I encourage a read through Isaiah 35 to experience restoration if you too are in a winter.
"For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of what we eat or drink, but of living a life of goodness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit." - Romans 14:17
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