BECOMING: Part 1- Change

Spring abounds around me. Trees sporting fresh buds, flowers gracefully opening to their new bloom, baby birds trying to figure out their song and butterflies testing out newly formed wings. I can sit and appreciate the beautiful outcome of this ultimate hell. No one highlights the stress and physical pain on a system during transformation and change! Stay with me for a minute...imagine the overall stress of a caterpillar after gluttonously enjoying all the food available, before being shoved into a dark space, living off of fat reserves, and sprouting body parts that make no damn sense! OUCH! Yet, we love butterflies and people even pay money to observe their habitats in a museum (freaks me out). Change brings pain and stress as we transform into the person we were made to be. *Spoiler alert, this happens in life way more than once:)

Six months ago, I pompously was talking to Jesus in my morning prayer, "Jesus, I think we're ready to really serve you, please use us" (of course wrapping Rob and Conley into my version of faith-walking). A few short weeks later, we lit a stick of dynamite and blew up our safe life! We always liked the allure of freedom and moving any place we wish; however, pain was never part of that imagery. It all started with a quick application for a job, and poof, of course Rob was accepted and the wheels of change were in motion. Instantly my heals started to dig in as the physical stress requirement began to hit. "You want me to quit my job?! You want me to move where?! Sell my house!!? Why?? " It's so easy to blame Rob for this change, especially on the days I feel most compelled to curl up in a ball and cry.

Secretly, if Rob only knew I thought we were ready to take this leap of faith before he applied; I take full responsibility. Yet, every time doubt crept in, one of us would feel an abundance of peace, or a hurdle prayer would be answered. Janna needs a job...check! A job was posted, meeting our financial requirements and matching my skillset. We need a church that matches the family and outreach of our current church...check! There's a Vineyard in Dillon and they welcomed us with open arms. We need a place to live...check! "Just show up sight unseen with your entire belongings and be surprised at what I can provide for you", said the Spirit. Conley needs to be okay with this...check! He's so excited for the move and our kids are supportive. So we leapt and are amazed at every turn.

Oh how I've groaned and griped at every step of this transformation. The loss in redefining friendships according to space and time has been taxing. I don't see the beauty yet as the transformation isn't complete; but I trust it will come. I feel the grief and pain of a major life change, yet feel hopeful that nature is my example. If a fat caterpillar can become a source of grace and beauty, maybe there's hope for me after all!

This is our last picture in front of our house before moving. Sometimes allowing for transformation means letting go of material possessions and the identity that comes with them.