"I'm holding you in my heart", she says as we end our last phone call. My heart is full as my sister friend has held space for me to share my sorrows and successes over yet another weekly call. The friendships I hold so near and dear to my heart, forged through fires and victories over the years, make this world a sweeter place to live. How beautiful a bond, to be able to bare our honest selves and trust the other person to do the same!
My mind often ponders the becoming of authentic human beings. Authenticity itself can be elusive. When condensed to simple form, it's when our thoughts and actions align. I could be an authentic asshole as long as my thoughts and actions align. Tricky business trying to be an authentic good person. I've heard and even stated, "fake it till you make it". The hard part is that if I'm disingenuous with my actions, everyone seems to notice; therefore faking being a good person simply doesn't fly. In actuality safety abounds in the presence of honestly good people. With this one rule, my thoughts must align to an inner conscience in order to produce good actions.
Now the quest becomes how to maintain a good inner self. Does it come from a book? My parents? My spouse? What influences will I allow to input good data into this subconscious and make me a good being? It's these...and more. Were I to fix my thoughts on what is pure and good, ie allowing a holiness inside, my mind would be slowly transformed to the pure, good, beautiful things of this world.
BUT, if I do this, it means I have to let go of the chip on my shoulder. The little devil that loves to throw around the F word, glare at the slow person crossing the road, laugh at inappropriate times, desire other people's style, and who feeds off of the adrenaline of a good fight. In fact, I'd actually have to be nice, in a world where nice doesn't always demand respect.
And so the battle rages on inside as love, joy, peace and patience begin to reign and the hatred, disgust, and impatience begin to fade. I no longer have to tote two existences, but can alllow the authentic good pieces of my sole to click into place by the Master's hand. Finally, a place of rest and beauty, authentically transformed, ready to pour out to those who will allow me to love them.
There's nothing more authentic than nature. We can learn so much from it's modeling.
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